so hubby wants out of rehab

[prmlscreem]

of the rehab like ..now
he told me yesterday he wants out on friday..
I convinced him to stay and extra week because if I thought this was gonna happen I would have that weekend off..
so I called and spoke to his social worker and explained that he wants out and what and how will this happen.
she explained his doctor will not sign off on that (which I knew it would be something like that)
so on wed. she will have another meeting with his therapy people (physical and speech)
and come up with a timeline which the doctor will be able to agree with..
that being said.
I have seen huge improvements since he got into the rehab.
I understand he is bored he is young to be in there.
he still has no use of his right hand
he has some in his right leg now where when he got there he had none
so even when he gets out he will need a CPA
she had suggested that a family member can be paid to care for him.
through a program. she had suggested my daughter
(she just got a job so i'm not seeing her doing it)
well it may be uncomfortable for both when bathroom and shower needs come about.
which she agreed with.
I had kinda looked into this a couple weeks ago I don't believe a spouse can do it.
but she said she could sign off on that if that was my choice .
so I would have to quit my fulltime retail job.
also told her it wasn't like a career job I'm just a clerk
and the CPA get's paid more then what I get paid at the store if it all works out.
so theres some big changes coming.
still in thought process any thoughts pros or cons any are welcome
this is the only place I have posted this I don't want to get into this on facebook I have a lot of co-workers there if I have to put notice at some point its no ones business why it will take 3 to 4 weeks for that program to get started plus I need to change his insurance which can't be done yet or it will screw up his therapy ..so much crap

[Sumato]

I have done this before for a couple of my friends, here is the info and the source page,
and im sure I can speak for most if not all when I say
We Has Yer Back Priml !!
===========================================================================================

source: http://www.stroke-network.com/

Caring for a Spouse After a Stroke
Four ways to preserve your sanity, self, life and relationships while caregiving


Colleen and Tom were an average couple. Colleen was a full-time homemaker and mom. Tom worked as the manager at an athletic store and coached his son’s flag football team. Then, on a crisp autumn day while Tom was coaching, he suffered a massive stroke. Colleen’s marriage as she knew it ended. She, like many caregiving spouses, faced many questions.

When you're in the position of caring for a loved one who has survived a stroke, it is important to learn how to interpret and move through the maze of roadblocks that can keep you from having a fulfilling life together. The day-to-day matters of life can get to be a challenge. These include your role as a caregiver, your own self-care, your ongoing life, household management, sleep, sex and intimacy, changes and strains on your marriage that you weren’t prepared for – and let’s not forget current and future finances, to name a few.

Whether you are caring for your husband, wife or life partner, here are four universal strategies Colleen and others in this situation can use to handle these and other challenges.

Understand your worries and fears
Like you, Colleen had many worries, fears, and strong emotions. Did she even have it within herself to be a caregiver? She learned these worries, fears and strong emotions are not only normal, but to be expected – and that you can do something about them. If you don't, they'll bleed into your care of your loved one, possibly damaging both of you.

Emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are. And you've likely got a lot of strong ones now – with good reason. If you're angry, don't be mean or passive-aggressive. There are healthy ways to release the anger through talking, writing, and imagery. If you're afraid, discuss that with your spouse, if appropriate. In confidence, share your strongest emotions with a close friend or support group so those emotions don't eat you up.

Reclaim your special connection with your spouse
Colleen used to be able to talk to Tom about anything, but suddenly she didn’t know how. She was afraid he might be hurt by anything she brought up, or she might spoil a happy moment by raising serious topics. But then she tried some new communication techniques that were immensely helpful. Whether it was mobility issues, their sex life, or what to do about family and friends, she now had a way to do it.

First, she sorted out her concerns – deciding what she really needed to talk about with Tom. Then she learned how to approach him to set up a “talking date” and choose a setting that would assist their conversation. She prepared and calmed herself – and began the most important conversations of her life. Because she learned to speak to Tom in a way that was compassionate and effective, now they were able to take the first steps to mutual agreement. By creating understandings and agreements, you as a caregiver can still have your life, and the two of you can still have your marriage.

Work together, rather than enabling or controlling.
Colleen learned not to do for Tom what he really can and should do for himself. This enabling will create an invalid. She avoided micromanaging what he's able to do, even if he doesn’t do it well. In their discussions, they agreed on what they’ll expect of each other and what she is willing to do and not do. You’ll actually create precious time for yourself by not taking on jobs that should be done by others – including your loved one. If you do less enabling with everything and everybody, you'll create more energy for yourself and you'll have less anger. And, you’ll create the time to care for yourself – so you will survive these difficult times.

Discover dos and don’ts
You’ll learn that you can survive and even have fun using specific dos and don’ts that make your life simpler. Here are a few:

• Don’t be afraid to ask for help wherever or however you feel you need it. If you can afford hired help, insist on it. If you can’t, then ask friends, family, and agencies for help
  
• Don’t feel guilty that you still have a life and still can have fun. Life may not always seem fair, but that doesn’t mean life is wrong.
  
• Do know that the survivor’s journey and your journey are not one and the same. You’ve got different things for which to prepare, so don’t get lost on their path.
  
• Don’t be embarrassed about your spouse’s limitations. It has nothing to do with your character or how good a partner you are.
  
• Do look at the humor in your mutual imperfection and try to laugh rather than to criticize. This applies to yourself as well as to your spouse.
  

Don’t be responsible for making your spouse happy. While it is your responsibility to keep your love safe, if they aren’t able; only they can make themselves happy.

By: Diana B. Denholm, Ph.D., LMHC, author of The Caregiving Wife’s Handbook: Caring for Your Seriously Ill Husband, Caring for Yourself

[prmlscreem]

thanks so much Red some good points to remember.
also I have to call again tomorrow because the social worker very nicely forgot to call me after said meeting
or chose not to. I called her on friday at 11:00 A.M. and I was told she had left for the day..fuck wish I had that kind of job LOL
so I will call again tomorrow I have to keep telling myself don't go crazy on this lady because Jimmy has to stay there I don't want him to get any fallback from me being nasty to this lady but I can't be a push over either.
I did get jimmy to play some cards today rummy we used to play all the time he did well with the numbers sequence the higher cards not so much we plugged along for a few hands. all and all a good visit!

[prmlscreem]

yep called again today seems she wasn't there again I will call again tomorrow

[Sumato]

Time to go visit the office and start slapping your hand on some desks...and start yelling

MAY I HAVE YER ATTENTION PLEASE !!

Im Looking for this skinny ass social worker so's i can take my Jimmy home !

[prmlscreem]

Time to go visit the office and start slapping your hand on some desks...and start yelling

MAY I HAVE YER ATTENTION PLEASE !!

Im Looking for this skinny ass social worker so's i can take my Jimmy home !

for real been calling every other day I don't want to be too crazy because I need her to sign off on me being Jimmy's PSA or whatever it's called cause works is getting out of control I may snap soon I gotta keep thinking I don't look good in orange .
these bitches get a key to the store acting like it's MY first day bullshit

[Sumato]

these bitches get a key to the store acting like it's MY first day bullshit

oohhhh I love fresh meat to my seniority,
I have had fresh made supervisors come over to my location and start giving orders to me and my team, that shit don't fly with me very well,
most of them have never been dressed down by someone like me,
lesson to be learned from this....,
" you don't come in acting like you know shit, when you don't know shit, compared with someone that knows their shit."
stoopid peoples.

[prmlscreem]

what's worse these fuckers all ready worked there so they know I have been there since day one..bitches

[Sumato]

Put them in their place Priml, use yer age and seniority with the company, and yer knowledge of everything that happens, don't let them youngsters bully you and push around,
especially if your seniority over management,

My management is scared shitless of me..literally,
there are only a few individuals who are in my management team that never have to worry about me,
as they know I do my job 110% and the customers and nurses and physicians all like and respect the way I handle things.
but my teammates are another matter,
they damn well know that if I bark out at them for being lazy or doing something stoopid, little bastards better jump and start hittin it with a passion,

And can you believe I am considered one the nicest and most polite of everyone there

[prmlscreem]

Put them in their place Priml, use yer age and seniority with the company, and yer knowledge of everything that happens, don't let them youngsters bully you and push around,
especially if your seniority over management,

My management is scared shitless of me..literally,
there are only a few individuals who are in my management team that never have to worry about me,
as they know I do my job 110% and the customers and nurses and physicians all like and respect the way I handle things.
but my teammates are another matter,
they damn well know that if I bark out at them for being lazy or doing something stoopid, little bastards better jump and start hittin it with a passion,

And can you believe I am considered one the nicest and most polite of everyone there

well if I can get this program going for the hubby I won't give a flying fuck what the kids do up there.
they will have to find someone that will do my job and believe me none of them want it they absolutely hate when I go on vacation
because someone actually has to work.

I make a bit more then a keyholder anyway LMFAO dumbfucks
I'm just over fighting the bus company every damn year about changing bus routes,times of routes
the people that shop it's the worst I have seen slobs and damn rude that's the adults the kids are worse
the fucked up hours
need a change and if I can get this in gear it would be perfect

[prmlscreem]

so the last couple of weeks have been appointments on appointments had to schedule before I went to work on my late days so your talking about 14/16 hour days
and then massive cleaning and re arranging my apartment (that's still a work in progress) so jimmy can roll around in a wheel chair
plus working full time is just a nightmare now we are at the waiting game for the programs to go through.I talked to him tonight he is mad he can't get out now I can understand that cause fuck its a bitch for me to my every day off from work I have to go there to visit
so nothing at the house is being done ugggh so I'm pretty beat up

[Sumato]

What you need is a buncha minions to help out.

[prmlscreem]

What you need is a buncha minions to help out.

you ain't telling me I need a bunch so I can get a vacation in LOL ok maybe that's to much

[Sumato]

Back in the day, family meant something to some..I don't see it so much anymore and when i do,
im surprised,
you stepping up for your man is good and is part of whats missing from this world right now, and if I was there i would help out
with cannabis, get yer man so fuckin stoned he would be tying to dance and eat chocolate at the same time.
as it has shown true science that helps with stroke recovery.

[prmlscreem]

Red omg I love you just for that. right from the start according to jimmy his favorite brother was the one closest to his age
(Timmy) a younger brother.who right off the bat had said he would never come home he should be placed in a home
I was like wtf? I just nodded my head and didn't say shit
we had been separated for several years and remained friends
(I couldn't deal with the alcoholism and he knew it)
there's a huge difference between having a few beers on a night you dont have work the next day
then getting up and start drinking right away yeah
so we split but remained friends he would stop by for a shower or a meal
thank god he was at the house when this happened
his brother was his go to on all his forms and such
when Timmy said he just needs to be in a home at 56 no way that would for sure kill him
you know what i'm saying

so I stepped in said hey I'm his wife still legally married so my say goes
I have an extra bedroom I will take care of him
shit I still love him hell he is my only daughter father
we get along great when he is sober
and now he aint getting to the store on his own LOL
so its all good
fuck that brother and his damn family they suck they always have

[Sumato]

Putting a person in a Nursing Home for no real reason is about the same as saying " I Don't Feel Like Taking Care Of Them"
and some nursing homes can be so impersonal AND deadly due to lack of true empathy for a patient with special medical and physical needs,

The time one should really look into a nursing home is if they know for a fact they could not produce positive results in the home, or were severely unqualified to do the job,

my family wont put me in a home, they will provide a bullet first.

[prmlscreem]

I agree with you on all of that Red.
the place where he is at for the rehab everyone there is so much older well above senior age
very nice some of them are. the ones that kinda know what's going on.
I don't have any issues saying hi to all of them when I see them
or at dinner grabbing someone a juice or pudding whatever to help out the staff.
that is no kind of place for jimmy full time he has his wits about him he can move around some what
in his wheelchair ya got to hunt him down that's all good it means he is interested in getting around
not just laying in a bed waiting to die
we had a casino open up today in a near by city he is looking forward to going
not to gamble because he really doesnt just to see what it looks like done.
how it was built and such
that is not a sign of anyone ready to hang up his shoes and just die
so his brother can kiss my ass
he is gonna move back here
and live a life and call it a day
I refuse to put him in a home when I know full well it's not his time

[Sumato]

Damn Skippy, but whatever you do, don't get him a scooter, you'll lose track of his ass in no time....lol

[prmlscreem]

Damn Skippy, but whatever you do, don't get him a scooter, you'll lose track of his ass in no time....lol

LMFAO he is gonna want one of those just o see if it can be fixed to go faster LOL
I heard from the CPA people they were saying 21 hours now it wil be less because he will be living in my home
so i will not be able to quit my job
so it will all be trail and error at this point I gotta work bills got to be paid

[prmlscreem]

got word Jimmy has to go fro an MRI on the 7th I'm assuming that is a pre-release thing so the home can't be sued
man I hope he is back soon I'm over the traveling on my days off and he is over being there